0428

I believe…

            I believe the world is all pretend. From the time we are infants until we mature and even when we grow old and time begins to wage war against our bodies, we pretend. When I was five, I pretended to be a mailman and wrote letters to my parents. When I was eight, I pretended to be the next firefighter to save other people. When I was twelve I pretended to hate school, but I died of boredom every second I was at home away from my friends. Even now, I pretend to know things I do not know. I pretend with a smile when hardships or discomforts arise. I pretend to be mad even when I miss her dearly. I pretend.

I have found and believe pretense often leads to a complete radical change. Although I never became that mailman or the heroic fireman, the characteristics are now part of who I am. Pretending to be a mailman has created a joy inside of me to give gifts to other people. My desire to help others came from my adoration of firefighters. Even now, when I pretend to know things I do not know, I find slowly I begin to understand more and more as I am surrounded by other knowers as well. The smile I wear everyday allows me to live through all types of trials. I have pretended so well, it has become my reality.

I believe no matter what stage of life humans are in, they are pretending. Kids pretending to be grownups. Grownups still pretending they are young. This is how we grow, this is how we still live on. Pretending is the step that allows us to cross over the gap from pure imagination into practical reality. The dreams we have inside our minds, what are they but abstract ideas that are nonexistent, unless of course we pretend. 

0426

This past week AP Literature was pretty chill, we didn't really go beyond anything past mere discussions due to the shortened periods (yay!) . However, I think the most ironic thing is that I learned the most out of this past week in my AP Literature class. I've been an avid anti-reading person during my years in high school. Whether it was my laziness or my lack of self-control to sit through an entire book, I never completely read& finished more than 5 books in the entirity of my high school English courses. This isn't something to be proud of & I'm not boasting of my achievements made without reading. Rather, my dearth of reading has caused me quite a struggle throughout my humanity courses in high school. Due to my poor pool of vocabulary, I was unable to write long essays coherently.

 I never believed reading literature could bring knowledge (stupid, I know) instead I believed all the knowledge, well all the applicable knowledge, that we needed was attainable through the experiences we have, the interactions we have with our surrounding world. However, this past week I have been completely mute in my AP Lit class. Without any breadth of books to share, the dicussions were rocketed back and forth by my fellow classmates. Although none of the books were amazingly different, my astonishment laid on the fact that almost everyone read on their own, for fun. 

Nonetheless, stubborn as I am, I still believe that the majority of works we are forced to read throughout our high school courses are pointless. I still have a long way to go before I believe studying the way English poets conceive their poems will aide us in any manner. Aside from the fact that I have to begin to read in college (yuck) I plan on maybe reading some works of literature over the summer. 

0422

i wish i was a tiger!

Only a week left in the month of april, then the days begin to start counting down. Only one more week and a half to review for some of the IB tests. Only 2 more weeks to learn in class. Only 3 more weeks to see teachers and classmates. Only 4 more weeks until its time to say goodbye.

0420

♥

0419

Oh my, it's 8:30 already and it's still 81 degrees. I'm really going to miss this heat and spontaneous weather changes. Today, I missed the deadline for signing up to go DongYing in the summer. I guess all the hype I was in for college has caused me to become oblivious to so many of the events that are occuring around me. I guess now instead of living in the past I've been focused too much on the future. Time to simmer down and focus on finishing what I had spent two years for.

Intense ib studying! 

not -___-

but I will try!

What makes us human is not our ability to think but our ability to love.

0418

I decided to recreate a new blog [although no one knew my old one anyways] due to the inefficiency in using an email that was not gmail. 

I guess the idea of leaving so.cal to go up north really began to hit me today. Many of the friends I made in the past four years I will probably never come across again in the future. Although this seemed inevitable, I hated the mere idea of it and was striving to change that for the past month. But now, I've come to a point where I really have given up. 

Looking back on my previous years, I remember hating the fact of people going in and out of my life. However, I now learned to appreciate those who have stayed there for me. As I counted those who I really could trust now, not even a handful come to mind. 

So, this is for my four closest friends:

thank you.

Aside from these detrimental thoughts plaguing my mind, on a happier note!

I've really come to see Berkeley in a new light from my visit during the past weekend. I still remembered the place as I first went there four years ago; however, this time my feelings were completely different. Whether it was the newfound joy of being completely independent and away from my parents or the growth I have experienced in the last years of high school, I came to the conclusion of Berkeley being liveable. I doubt it's the latter, so obviously my conclusion about college is that I'll probably be happy anywhere my parents aren't d;

Given the fact that I won't be able to see/talk to everyone on a daily basis anymore, I believe this blog can serve the purpose of updating.

"The starting point of all achievement is desire" Napoleon Hill